n/a

1. Preamble

🗣️ SAY:
"People have the right to say NO to sexual activity. When someone says no, it is the responsibility of the other person to respect the NO and STOP the activity. In other words, if there is not consent for the activity, it should not happen."

2. Ask to borrow a student's pencil
Ask to borrow someone’s pencil or pen (or whatever object may be visibly in their possession on the day). Someone will usually hand you their pencil without thinking.

🗣️ ASK all the participants:
"Did I have permission to take the pencil?"
"How did I establish or get permission?"

Return the pencil to the owner

3. Try again... This time:
Ask participants to pretend it is the next day, and you are back in their classroom. Using the same student, walk up and take the pencil without asking.

🗣️ ASK all the participants:
"Did I have permission to take the pencil?"
"Can’t I just assume that this person should let me have the pencil because they let me borrow it yesterday?"

⚠️ Important:
Be certain to get the pencil, but don’t use any force. If the student will not let you “take” the pencil, either tell them to play along or pretend you took the pencil. As a presenter it’s counterproductive to be seriously forceful taking something against their will to prove a point about consent.

⚠️ Important:
Also consider how some people with less power may habitually give up their power, and say “it’s fine”, even without having been initially asked for their consent.

4. Link this conversation to sexual consent
After the demonstrations, ask participants how consent or lack of consent with the pencil is similar to consent with sexual activity.

Some useful prompts can include:

• How do you know when it’s okay to move forward with someone? How do you know when you have consent? What is boundary testing?
• Does consent for sexual activity on one occasion mean there is always consent?
• Does consent for one type of activity (e.g. kissing) mean you have consent for all other activity (e.g. intercourse)?

5. Summarise with the following points:

• We don't blame the person for someone taking their pencil, nor do we think I had the right to take their pencil without asking today, even if they had given their consent yesterday.
• There are differences between the pencil and a physical action. Taking a pencil is different from even hugging or kissing someone without their consent, as it doesn't involve violating a person's bodily freedom.
• Asking someone for permission, and respecting if they say no, shows them that we respect who they are, and their right to have control over their own body and possessions

This activity has been adapted from Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance (VSDVAA)