What you need
- Whiteboard / Butchers paper
- Markers

How to facilitate

1. BRAINSTORM

❓ ASK:
"What are some of the ways a person can gain power in our world?"

Scribe participants' responses on whiteboard / butchers paper
Some examples might include:

• Body size or type
• Physical health or ability
• Gender
• Sexuality
• Age
• Financial dependence
• Size of social network or connections
• Language ability
• Ability / disability
• Cultural background
• Our specific roles / relationships to one another
  For example, there are power differences between teachers and students

2. ASK:

❓ ASK:

"What can someone do to make a relationship more equal if they:
- have more power?
- have less power?"

Try to cover most of the concepts mentioned below.

👉 What to do if you believe you have more power in a relationship

• • Take a step back and slow things down
  • Check in more diligently before starting any activity
  • Put in extra work to support the other person in feeling safe and comfortable, especially their freedom to say ‘no’
  • Offer alternative activities that you can do together without pressuring your partner
  • Refrain from starting anything until they have given you a verbal and enthusiastic invitation, or ‘yes’
  • Check in more regularly with them during the activity
  • Absolutely stop if they say ‘no’, or if they even indicate any reluctance in their body language (e.g. pushing you away, folding their arms and legs, staying quiet, etc.)
  • Absolutely respect their boundaries if they communicate this to you, so that you do not betray their trust

👉 What to do if you believe you have less power in a relationship

• • Ask yourself if you genuinely want to follow through on this activity with this person, or if you think you are only doing it because you want them to like you
  • Clarify what your needs and desires are, i.e. what you actually want
  • Clarify your own boundaries, and make sure that these are genuinely respected by the other person. You can say, “I do not want to do [X]. If you try doing this, I will leave.”
  • Respect your own boundaries
  • Remind yourself that you are allowed to change your mind (just as they are too!)
  • Remind yourself also that if you like something, you are also allowed to say ‘yes’!

Power and pleasure
Some people may find playing with power dynamics in the bedroom to be a turn on, and may engage in role play, BDSM or other forms of power play. While deliberately playing with different forms of power is valid and can be pleasurable, it’s important to remember that both partners need to consent to it. It’s important to respect another person’s decision to change their mind in these scenarios.