What you will need:

• Butchers paper
• Markers

How to facilitate

1. SAY:

🗣️ SAY:
For this next activity, I am going to read out a scenario involving two friends, one of whom is cisgender, and the other is transgender. They have both known each other for a long time.

2. READ OUT SCENARIO

📗 SCENARIO
Alex and Julie have been friends since they were in pre-school. They are both 16 years old, and they go to the same school. Alex is a cisgender boy. Julie came out as a transgender girl last year. She told Alex to please refer to her with ‘she/her’ pronouns from now on, and to use her new name ‘Julie’, instead of her old deadname. Alex told her that he supports her 100%, and that, no matter what, they will always be friends. At first, last year, Alex would sometimes use Julie’s old name and pronouns, by accident. Julie would often just laugh, brush it off, and gently correct him, and move on.

Last week, Julie invited Alex over to her place for lunch with her family, as they have often done in the past. This time, during the lunch conversation, Alex accidentally misgendered Julie to her parents, referring to her by her old name, and by the wrong pronouns. Julie’s parents didn’t correct Alex, and Julie got really upset, and left lunch early to go to her room.

Since last week’s lunch, Julie has refused to speak to Alex, even after he apologised. Julie still refuses to respond to Alex’s phone messages. Alex has accused her of being too sensitive, as they have known each other for such a long time. He says, “I’ve already apologised! Can’t you see that I support you? I’ve just known you forever as ‘Jack’, and I’m still getting used to your new name as ‘Julie’ and your new pronouns. Why are you being so impatient with me?”

3. DISCUSSION

Prompts:

1. Why do you think Alex feels upset? Is he being reasonable or unreasonable?
   e.g.
   1. Alex didn’t mean to hurt Julie, and he is trying to be a good friend, but is being rejected by Julie.
      
2. Why do you think Julie is upset? Is she being reasonable or unreasonable?
   e.g.
   1. Julie has been accused of being impatient with Alex, even though it has been over a year since she first came out to him.
   2. While Alex sees this is only between him and Julie, Julie may often be misgendered by many people, and so experiences this as just one among many daily occurrences.
   3. Julie’s parents didn’t even bother to correct Alex over lunch, and so now she feels betrayed by the people closest to her.
3. What are some of pressures that Julie may be experiencing in her life as a young trans woman, that Alex may be unaware of?
   1. There is broader transphobia in society impacting on Julie’s life.
   2. While Julie genuinely loves Alex, and doesn’t want to throw away their friendship, she is concerned that Alex doesn’t see her as a ‘real girl’.

4. ADVANCED DISCUSSIONS
   Depending on how participants respond to the scenario, it could be interesting to explore other kinds of associated issues, such as:

   1. Does it matter if Julie presents consistently in a feminine way?
      • How does this relate to sexism, or pressures on women in general (including cisgender women), to have to ‘prove’ their femininity, in order to be respected?
   2. What other cultural issues that may be at play here?
      • What if either Alex or Julie have families who do not support trans people?
      • How can Alex be a better ally for Julie in such a context?
   3. What if it were the other way around?
      • If it was Alex who is a transgender man (using he/him pronouns), and if Julie was a cisgender woman who accidentally misgendered Alex in front of his family? What other issues might be at play here?

5. TAKEAWAY MESSAGES

   • Defining Heteronormativity

   📗 Heteronormativity refers to the ways that most of society establishes straight relationships as the norm, and everything else is either invisible or seen as ‘different’ or ‘wrong’ in some way. If you are LGBTQIA+, heteronormativity in society can mean you are seen as going against social norms, underrepresented or misrepresented in media, research and other areas, and you are often asked to explain yourself, or cater to mainstream sensitivities, while being told that your own sensitivities are ‘too sensitive’. It can also mean being often asked insensitive questions, such as why you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, how sex for you “works,” and other inappropriate questions.

   • Defining Queerphobia

   📗 Queerphobia is an umbrella term to describe the ways that diversity in experiences and expressions of sex, gender and sexuality are actively discriminated against in society. Discrimination and hate that targets LGBTQIA+ people would be examples of queerphobia.

   • Defining Minority Stress:

   📗 Minority Stress
   Explain that the structures in place to enforce heteronormativity and the –phobias are the cause of many negative health and wellbeing outcomes for LGBTQIA+ people.
   
   One important example is minority stress. Minority stress refers to additional stress that members of a marginalised group experience because of the prejudice and discrimination they face in society. It can be tiresome for people in marginalised communities (marginalised due to being in the minority, or due to having less power in society in general) to be the ones who do the work of advocating for themselves constantly.
   
   Minority stress is unique because it is not a stressor that is experienced by everyone. For example, starting a new job can be stressful for anyone but starting a new job and being afraid to mention your gender identity or the gender of your spouse and being alienated, judged or fired is not a stressor that straight and/or cisgender people will face.

   • Each person is unique.
     Just as no two cisgender or straight people are the same, no two transgender, gay, lesbian, or bisexual people are the same. All of us, including LGBTQIA+ people, have intersecting identities (i.e. around sex, sexuality, gender, culture, language, employment status, education experiences, place of residence, spiritual or religious identities, etc.). Some LGBTQIA+ people have supportive families and communities, others less so.
   • No one should have to ‘prove’ how gay, bisexual or trans they are, in order to be affirmed.
     You don’t need to have had sex, nor to have had any surgeries or medical interventions, in order to be valid as you are.
   • No one has to share lived experiences if they don’t want to.
     However, there is learning that can happen simply by knowing sex, sexuality, and gender diverse people.
   • Allies have power to shift culture and change.
     There are responsibilities of having more power in society to support minority and marginalised communities. Be unapologetically supportive. Visualise and work toward building a world where everyone belongs.