• Confidentiality
  (what’s said here stays here)
• Non-judgemental / Withholding judgement
• Mobile phones on silent please
• Respect one another's names and pronouns
• Respect diversity of ideas, identities & experiences
  This can include: Diversity of experiences with, or interest in, sex and the subject matter
• “Don’t yuck my yum”
  (don’t make others feel bad for liking different things than you)
• Respect one another's boundaries
• One person speaks at a time
• Step Up / Step back(if you tend to speak more, challenge yourself to ‘step back’ to let others speak. If you tend to be more quiet, challenge yourself to ‘step up’ to speak)
• No pressure to Disclose / Permission to pass
• Permission to pause
• There is no such thing as a stupid question (all questions are welcome)

❓ ASK the group how they would define porn?

📗 DEFINITION
Porn is sexually explicit media intended to sexually arouse the person watching.

Why talking about porn is important:

- Watching, listening or reading porn is really, really common.
- 90% of young people have seen some kind of porn by the age of 16
- Viewing porn is still seen as taboo — which means we’re not used to talking about it just yet, and haven’t developed the tools to have good conversations around what we’ve seen or learnt.

🗣️ ASK:Who makes porn and why?

- Porn is made with the goal of making money, and will cater to the fantasies of the people who pay the most to see it. It’s not made to be educational or realistic.
- The sex you see in porn isn’t always a reflection of real life.
- Often in porn, bodies and situations are exaggerated to fit a fantasy. This can give us an inaccurate idea of how sex should work.
- It's important to be critical of some of the stereotypes in porn and understand how it might affect your approach to sex and relationships.

🤲 POSSIBLE ACTIVITY TO USE:
Porn Cards (30 mins)

🗣️ ASK:
What ways is porn sex different from sex in real life?

Prompt as needed until you cover the information below:

i. BODY TYPES

- Mainstream porn isn’t very diverse,
and usually only shows a limited range of body types. When there is diversity it often reinforces stereotypes or caters to fantasies for the exotic or taboo.

- Surgical enhancements
Porn actors often undergo surgical enhancements which can lead us to believe that only certain body traits or types are normal and sexually desirable, such as:
- Cosmetically enhanced body parts (big boobs, butt, perfect face, big penis)
- Having no body hair
- Muscly men and petite women

- Fantasies
Everyone has fantasies, but when we get a few people together that continuously publish information and images of these ideals, it actually starts to influence and shape our own ideas and fantasies.


ii. PLEASURE AND ORGASM

- Negotiating consent is rarely shown on screen.
There is consent happening between porn actors, however it happens off screen and is generally not part of the story.

- Forceful sex and uneven power between partners are common in porn
because they can be part of people's sexual fantasy, which is being catered to by porn makers. In real life, this requires a lot of work to make sure that everyone involved wants and enjoys this, rather than simply assuming it to be the case.


iii. GENDER DIFFERENCES
In heterosexual porn, men are often shown to be dominant over women, and it is made to seem ‘natural’ when it is actually a product of fantasy. Activities that are based on power differences and potential physical aggression can cause actual physical and emotional harm and distress, if active communication and consent is not properly done.

- People have a tendency to want what they can’t have.
When these ideals are pushed onto you, you start believing that you want that as well. There is nothing wrong with a fantasy, but we do need to understand how what we see in porn can and does impact what we want to do.


iv. SAFE SEX AND CONTRACEPTION

- Condoms usually aren’t used in porn, but they are important for preventing STIs. In porn, actors get frequent STI checks so they can minimise the spread of STIs

- Contraception is rarely shown or discussed in porn, though it is likely that any actors who can get pregnant are taking action to prevent unplanned pregnancy.

- Only condoms can prevent both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). You won’t hear about these topics in porn, but they’re important to consider in your own relationships.


v. TYPES OF SEX

- Most porn is made for (cisgender and heterosexual) men.
In heterosexual porn, this means it often depicts scenarios where a man is receiving pleasure or getting his own orgasm.

- Women’s pleasure is still depicted, but it’s less common.
When women do receive pleasure, it’s also often penetrative, though only 25% of women orgasm from penetrative sex.

- People are also depicted having sex for hours or having massive orgasms — but this isn’t the norm.

- Porn also suggests that sex can happen without communication, negotiation and agreement.
However, there are often differences between how men and women experience some of the things shown in porn, such as:
- Facials
- Forceful sex
- Men dominating and women being submissive
- Anal without consent
- Choking a partner without consent

🤲 POSSIBLE ACTIVITY TO USE:
Talking about porn in Relationships (30 mins)

How does porn affect us? We know porn isn’t ‘real’ but it can still impact our attitudes, values and expectations. Porn can act as a template for what we expect sex to be. You may not notice, but over time it can change how you think about sex

🤲 What are some of the positive and negative effects of watching porn?
(see below)

🧐 Parable of the Frog
(a lesson on incremental change and influence)

You may think you know how porn and media affect you, but it may affect you in ways you don’t even realise! Think about a frog… If it is suddenly dropped into boiling water, it will jump out. However, if it starts in warm water, which only very, very slowly starts to boil, the frog will actually be boiled alive! The frog can’t tell that the water it is surrounded by is slowly heating up. The change is so slow, that it doesn’t notice until it is too late.

Can we relate to this in terms of our own use of porn?

We know that some of the stuff we see in porn can be a bit toxic. But for a lot of people this is their main way of learning about what to expect when it comes to sex and intimacy. Living by your values and making sex fun and fair for everyone involved is called ‘ethical’ sex. It basically means doing right by your partner and yourself.

A reminder from last week, that Ethical sex is:

• Consenting and respectful
• Based on good communication
• Unique to everyone across the gender and sexuality spectrum
• Aiming for mutual pleasure
• Practiced in a safe and healthy way