How porn might shape your approach to sex
Even when we know porn isn’t real, it can still impact the way we think, what we expect, and how we act during sex in real life.
Can watching porn change what we think and how we act in real life?
Yes, there’s a lot of evidence to show it does.
The theory is, the more you watch porn, the more likely you are to use what you see as a template for how you should act during sex. But often, you don't notice your views or expectations changing over time.
Watching lots of porn can even change our worldview over time. Porn has been linked to less progressive gender roles, like the idea that men 'should' be one way, and women 'should' be another way. Some types of porn use have also been linked to increased sexual violence.
Porn can have both positive and negative effects
😏 Potential positives
- You can discover information about the body, increase sexual knowledge and decrease shame.
- It can feel good in the moment.
- Some people, like those from the
LGBTQIA+ community can use porn as a way to affirm their identity or explore their sexuality.
☹️ Potential negatives
It can make you feel bad about your body if you compare yourself to people on screen, and can lower your self-esteem.
It can set unrealistic expectations of what someone should do in bed, or look like.
It can reinforce harmful
stereotypes .It can make you want to try risky or dangerous sex acts, which can lead to physical harm.
Using too much porn can also make it harder to experience pleasure during sex, or distract you during sex.
❓Reflection:
What are some other potential effects of watching porn?
So… are you saying I shouldn’t watch porn?
Nope. You do you!
What we're saying, is that there are a bunch of things in porn that can be pretty toxic, so it’s good to balance it out with a more positive understanding of sex and relationships.
What’s important is to understand your own values and needs, so you can choose how you live your life rather than unconsciously taking on attitudes from what you’ve seen online.
So what does ‘better’, more ethical sex look like?
We’ve talked a lot about the way that porn and other forms of media and culture reinforce some unrealistic or harmful ideas about sex.
But what does sex look when it’s fair and ethical?
📗 Ethical sex is
- Consenting and respectful
- Based on good communication
- Unique to everyone
- Aims for mutual pleasure
- Practised in a safe and healthy way
It can be tricky to unlearn old views — but it’s definitely doable.
And as a bonus, when you evolve your view of what sex can be, this can lead to a sex life that’s healthier and more fulfilling for you.
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