Sex, sexuality, and gender diversity in porn

You might have learned about penis-in-vagina sex at school or from books, but there’s a good chance you didn't know how two people of the same gender or of certain gender identities have sex. That might have meant that you turned to porn to seek an understanding of your sexuality and your body.

It’s true: gay, lesbian, trans, and queer sex tend to be far more visible in pornography than anywhere else. However, this isn’t always in ways that are necessarily useful or helpful for LGBTQIA+ people.

💡 Does watching gay porn mean I’m gay?

Anyone can enjoy any type of porn, even if it wasn’t made with you as an intended audience. And you can’t say for sure what gender(s) you are attracted to based on who you like to watch in porn. The way people are depicted in porn is different to real life . What you enjoy in porn doesn't always reflect what you want offline!

Porn can give you unrealistic ideas about sex , including what gender and sexuality diverse sex looks like. These ideas might make you feel pressured to perform certain sex acts because they’re what you think of as ‘normal’ for your gender or sexual identity. Or, you might worry about whether your preferences or needs are ‘right’.

It’s important to remember that the vast majority of mainstream pornography focuses on a very narrow set of desires and on a very narrow audience, even when it’s showing queer sex. That means it will only ever show a limited range of bodies, abilities, positions, and preferences.

At the end of the day, what queer sex looks or feels like will be different for everyone. It’s as diverse as the LGBTQIA+ community itself.

Porn — especially ethical porn made by queer people, for queer people — can help to affirm your tastes, interests, or even your identity. But it shouldn’t be your only guide for what sex looks like.

Talking to your partner, or learning from other members of the queer community (like friends or websites), can help you figure out what you like and are interested in trying. Whether your interests are very similar to, or completely different from, what you see on porn, you’re valid as you are. You do you!